


The Things I Could've Done

by AcaWiedersehen



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Slight Hurt/Comfort, alcoholic alex, distraught alex, impressed Maggie, past!alex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 03:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10778340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AcaWiedersehen/pseuds/AcaWiedersehen
Summary: Alex is a little more on edge than usual, and Maggie takes it upon herself to figure out why.





	The Things I Could've Done

" **Again**."

Alex, clad in her classic DEO Uniform, spins around to face her opponent: Supergirl.

"Come on, Alex. Can we please just..." Kara pants for a quick second, resting her hands upon her hips. "... take a break? Winn brought me a Big Mac." Big blue eyes scan her sister, challenging. "You know how long it's been since I've had _any_ type of Mac."

Alex falters, understanding that she's being unreasonable. Keeping her sister locked up in a room where the most vibrant stimuli was the green glow of kryptonite could get old. (Especially if she had been subject to it for over two hours.) "One more," she prods; hands going up into their usual defensive position.

 "What is up with you?" Kara questions while slowly complying. "You're never this eager to fight unless there is something seriously wrong."

Alex hesitates a moment before stepping forward. "Too many hours in the lab."

Kara isn't sure whether or not to believe her, so instead she throws a punch at her sister's shoulder.

With little to no effort, Alex deflects it. A push here, flip there... The two were quickly surpassing the titles of "pro" for hand-to-hand combat.

While the two clash, a familiar figure pops into view within the glass doorway. Maggie.

Alex pulls away from the fight to give her girlfriend the slightest ounce of recognition. Kara doesn't notice the suddenly dropped guard of the agent and moves forward full force... and into Alex's jaw.

A loud mixture of a 'pop' and some skin-on-skin contact resonate throughout the sound-proofed room. Alex blinks back stars as her right hand goes to cup her jaw.

"Oh no," Kara's demeanor flashes into that of motherly concern, "Alex! I'm so sorry!"

"It's fine, it's fine..."

"No, it's not. I got a really solid hit in there..." Kara moves into Alex's space, brushing her sister's hand out of the way to get a better look. "... yeah, you definitely need ice."

Seemingly out of nowhere and without hesitation, Maggie crashes in. "Alex!" Controlled worry is etched into her features as she moves close; grasping at her girlfriend's chin while mindlessly moving the superhero out of the way. "You're bleeding," she murmurs. Sure enough, the slightest bit of blood surfaces on the brunette's previously flawless skin.

"I've been mauled by a Hellgrammite before. This is nothing."

"Well," Maggie sighs and gently brushes her fingers over Alex's breaking skin, "we still need to do something about it."

Alex smiles, "aw... I didn't think you-"

"Your sister sure showed you who's boss."

"Yeah, she did."

Maggie's hands fly up to Alex's shoulders, holding the taller woman in place. "Let's get you cleaned and iced up, and then go for lunch?"

The smile of Alex's grows slightly before it's taken over by the smallest of grimaces. "Yeah, its starting to hurt now. Let's do that."

Behind them, Kara rocks back and fourth on her heels, eagerly watching the interaction. "And I'll just be here, punching a wall..." Her kind blue eyes shift solely to Alex. "Unless I can go on break, too?"

"I heard that there's a Big Mac with your name on it. Go get 'em."

With her pursed lips moving into a bright smile, Kara flies out of the room, eager for whatever meaty meal is ahead of her.

"I've never seen someone so excited over McDonalds before," Maggie points out, her hair gently swaying from the breeze that accompanies Kara's usual exits.

"I've never seen someone so excited over food in general before... but there she goes." Alex pushes her her lips together before quickly dipping down to give Maggie a peck. "Anyways, time to play doctor."

"Just a warning, I've never won at operation."

"I'll be sure to keep the scalpels away, then."

 

* * *

 

It's only a half-hour into their date, and Alex is already on her second glass of Merlot. She had been acting strangely all day, and Maggie never missed a beat. Normally it's something simple and standard, like 'a rogue alien pushed an old lady into the street', 'a comrade lost an arm'... but this was different. Alex was quiet, and she wasn't giving any vocal clues as to what was aiding her sadness. Another two minutes pass before Maggie verbalizes her complaint.

"It's noon, Danvers", she says, referring to the glass Alex is nursing in her left hand.

"It's 5 o' clock somewhere, Sawyer." The familiarity of Maggie's last name rolls off her tongue. For some reason, Alex almost feels horrible saying it... like it's demeaning in some way. As if it takes away from Maggie's status of 'successfully obtained girlfriend'.

Warm brown eyes tighten. "Alex." Her voice matches. "What's wrong?"

With eyes stuck on her glass, Alex's brows find themselves pulling together. She isn't angry with the intrusiveness of her girlfriend, per-say, but she is definitely upset. "Why does everyone keep asking me that today?"

"What do you mean everyone?"

"Kara-"

Maggie pushes her lips together and sits back into her chair. From her hand her fork silently lands upon an unsoiled napkin. "Kara noticed, too?" So then something really is up. "Then I feel like this is a valid question."

The deep red liquid twirls in its crystal glass, unfazed and content with everything going on around it. It spins and spins, like a little dancer; peaceful and capable of grabbing the attention of Alex's entire world.

"What's wrong, Alex." This time it comes out more as a demand and less as a question.

"I'd be graduating right now if I hadn't messed up."

Maggie's eyes flash with confusion. "You'd be graduating right now?"

"With my Masters in both Physics and Bioengineering." Alex finally gathers the courage to lift her glass back to her lips for a sip. "May 4th, 2017."

"A Masters in both Physics and Bioengineering... both achieved under the age of thirty?"

"It would have been quite the feat, huh?"

Maggie falls silent, eyes fixated on the woman before her. The same woman she had been dating for months, but suddenly realized she really didn't know much about. All she knew was that Alex Danvers was an agent for the DEO, and she was smart. And strong. And perfect. She had never questioned the lack of a degree on the wall of her home, but now she really wished she had. "It would have killed you," she returns finally, soft.

Alex's lips twitch into a small, sadistic and pitiful smile. "It would have," she concludes. She knew that from the beginning. But still, she had pressed on.

She had been so young and naïve- 'Just take it a day at a time, Danvers', she would prompt herself. 'Everyone's expecting big things.'

Oh, that stretch of time in her life was easily the worst. Worse than puberty, nearly as bad as when she had lost her father... 'Sometimes the loss of ones self hurts more than the loss of another.'

"I always felt like I couldn't measure up, you know? You get introduced to someone who is 'perfect' and 'extraordinary' in every sense of the word, and it's just... you feel hopeless. You know you're not them, and you never can be." Alex takes another sip. "So you try to branch out, find an alternative that will impress everyone- please everyone... and it goes good. It starts out great. You get a new home, make new friends, impress your mom, impress your professors..." Alex stops. "Then junior year rolls around, and it's not fun and games anymore. You realize that tripling up on credits might not've been such a good idea." Her eyes squint, like she was reliving the recognition she had felt so long ago. "... so you try, and try, but only succeed in disappointing. But you don't like how people treat you when you're disappointing- so you lie. You lie and develop habits to cover the pain. The stress."

"Alex..." Maggie's voice softens. Her fingers itch to grab ahold of Alex's.

"...The stress of watching the world you've worked so hard to build crumble at your feet." Alex looks up, eyes meeting Maggie's for the first time in what felt like forever. Though her words were sad, Alex actually felt content; telling Maggie all of this. Finally.

Maggie's lips twitch- unsure if it was best to be supportive or sober and quiet.

"Whenever the stress got me down, the spirits would lift me back up. They were my way out of that hellscape."

"Hellscape?" Maggie is shocked. She has never heard Alex use a term like that before.

"Reality." Alex specifies.

A moment passes before Maggie's hand comes up to gently graze Alex's cheek. "Hun... this is anything but a hellscape." Her eyes are sincere and searching. "I'm not the religious type, but with you, if anything, it's my heaven."

... And that was everything Alex needed to hear.


End file.
